Giveaway!

Yes! A giveaway! It's a book I read recently, called Cinderella Ate My Daughter, by bestselling author and journalist Peggy Orenstein.

Do you ever have those "stop the world, I'm getting off" moments? Reading the press release for this book gave me several of those. For example:

• Walmart introduced an anti-aging make-up line for 8-12 year olds
• JCPenney released a T-shirt that read "I'm too pretty to do homework so my brother has to do it for me"
• Disney Princess products generated $4 billion in 2009 (it was a mere $300 million in 2000).

This is what the publicity for the book says:

"More and more, parents are deluged with products that teach their girls that the sexes are fundamentally different, that the most important thing for girls is to be pretty (and later "hot"), and that "girl power" is expressed by having the most stuff... The pursuit of physical perfection has been recast as the source of female empowerment, and commercialization has spread the message faster and farther, reaching girls at ever-younger ages... The potential negative impact of this new girlie-girl culture is undeniable."

I loved the book. It's easy to read, funny, judgmental where it needs to be and non-judgmental when it comes to the everyday struggles of individual parents. It's sensible and is the kind of thing that gives feminism a good name. I loved the stories of where Peggy Orenstein went, in the name of research (a toddler beauty pageant, a Miley Cyrus concert, the American Girl store). I tell you, if she lived next door, I'd be round there for a cup of tea every other day. I love a good story. In fact, I think I'm going to buy the house next door and have her move in.

I did meet her a few weeks ago actually (so on the basis of that, she would probably be totally up for the moving-in-next-door idea). She came from classy California to our little flyover state to give a talk, promoted by the Girl Scouts, who, incidentally, are much more fabulous than I gave them credit for. Turns out they are all about building girls' courage, confidence and character, and have an advocacy program dealing with all these kinds of important concerns.

I know, I know. Lots of you are sitting there thinking "Iota. There are more important issues out there. Don't get your knickers in a twist." (I just have to throw in that expression, because (a) American readers love British expressions like that and (b) I miss using it in everyday speech.) But it's an issue I feel strongly about. And pretty much everything I feel about it is in Cinderella Ate My Daughter.

I have three copies to give away. Thank you Harper Collins. You can enter simply by leaving a comment, by the end of Tuesday, March 13th. I will pick three winners using a random number generator. Please don't think that if you have sons and not daughters, that this book isn't for you. It is. Your son's way of looking at women is as prone to manipulation as your daughter's way of being one. If you don't have children, it's just a darn good read.

By the way, if you're an American living in Britain and you win, you can request an inexpensive mailable item (Cheezits, Rice-a-Roni, a double-ended Sharpie - whatever it is you're jonesing after), and I'll pop it in the parcel with the book. Provided you write "knickers in a twist" in the comments. Come on. Cross that cultural divide.

Hello, Lego Team! Thank you for your views

The PR company said:

Dear Iota,

Thank you for your response in regards to our invite to the LEGO Friends event, firstly please accept our sincere apologies, although we would have loved to have you there obviously travelling from the US would be a little extreme! We've updated our UK correspondence list and will ensure to pass on your details to the US team so they can keep you updated of any future events.

That aside, you raised some very interesting points in your blog post and here at LEGO we welcome all feedback so wanted to take this opportunity to respond to these and address any concerns you may have about the Friends range.

At LEGO we believe in providing all children a choice when it comes to the way they play and what they choose to play with. It is this belief which continually drives us to develop the LEGO play experience to ensure it continues to cater to all children, their passions and interests.

Although LEGO is well loved by children all over the world the fact remains that it does predominantly appeal more to boys than girls. In fact, in the US, only 9% of active LEGO households indicate that a girl is the primary user and in the UK it is 18%. Statistics tell us that the vast majority of girls feel that LEGO doesn't offer a play experience that caters to their needs and interests as they grow. In short, girls have for many years now asked for more from the LEGO range.

So after four years of extensive research, during which time we spoke to thousands of girls and parents across the world, we were proud to launch LEGO Friends to the market. The research helped us to shape the range that exists today and we have gone to great lengths to try to ensure it encompasses everything they asked for. One of the main things to come out of the research was that girls wanted a product that mirrored all the constuction elements of the LEGO whilst also combining the opportunity for realistic, character-based role-play and creativity.

Our research also told us what we already know, that all girls are different, they have different needs, interests, passions and ambitions. We hoped by creating a variety of settings and scenarios within Friends, which allow for a whole host of different play experiences, girls will find something that resonates with them - whether that's animals, science, design, inventions, cars, music, art, cooking, exploration or simply building their own mini treehouse – LEGO Friends offers something for them to engage with.

Whilst the construction experience remains exactly the same as any other LEGO product, we have added some new coloured bricks into the range including blues, purples and greens (interestingly pink has existed within the LEGO range for quite a few years now). We also added in smaller details including stickers and accessories to allow for further customisation of the sets, again something girls had expressed an interest in. LEGO's ultimate goal is to invite more girls to enjoy the LEGO play and build experience and we hope that the new LEGO Friends range does exactly that.

We're always happy to hear feedback so if you have any more questions or would like to hear more from us please do let us know.

Kind regards,
L

And I replied:

Dear L

Thank you very much for giving Lego the opportunity to address the points I made in my recent blog post. There are a number of interesting comments on the post, which you might like to feed back to Lego.

It's a complicated issue, isn't it? Lego researches the market, and gives girls what they want. I really can't quibble with that. But of course to a large extent, children want what they're told they want by a whole range of people, among whom are the toy companies. Girls have been - is 'brainwashed' too strong a word? - to be somewhat stereotypical in their desires.

As mothers, we want them to know that the world is a big place and we want to extend rather than narrow their imaginations. I'm pleased that the Friends range does contain "a variety of settings and scenarios". At least the Friends predominant colour is purple, not pink, and it's not too sparkly (from what I've seen). I suppose that's something. There's an Invention Workshop in there alongside the Cafe, the Stage, and the Splash Pool - I hope that proves to be the most popular, but I won't hold my breath on that one.

In my opinion, Lego is fielding some of the backlash that is (hurrah) starting to swell against the pink girlie-girl vacuous culture that seems to dominate the toy and media worlds. It's probably because Lego is such a trusted brand. None of us would get upset about Mattel bringing out a new range of girl toys in which five BFFs can explore beauty shops and fashion design studios, because that's what Mattel does. I guess it just feels worse from Lego. Sorry, Lego. Perhaps we have you on too much of a (moulded plastic) pedestal.

Thank you for your reply, which I am posting on my blog.

Best wishes

Iota

Hello, Lego Team! I'd love to hear your views

Aaargh... I have a thousand things to do other than blogging this morning. I want to leave that "Alcohol" post as my top post because I've had lots of comments and they're all really interesting. But... I just have to post this. I'm all riled up.

[PLEASE, if you read the "Alcohol" post and have something to say, leave a comment, even if it looks like it's Iota's yesterday's news. I am really interested.]

I've been approached by a PR company (which makes me sound like one of those proper bloggers who get approached all the time, so I thought I'd just draw attention to that fact). I will share with you her email and my reply, and let them speak for themselves. And once you've read them, you can read another post here which puts it well.

Hi

I hope you are well

We are keen to get in touch to invite you to a special event on the morning of Friday 10th February to showcase the new LEGO Friends range.

Please join us between 9am-12pm for morning tea at The Spatisserie at The Dorchester Hotel where you will have access to our fantastic new range and the opportunity to meet the LEGO team and have all your questions answered.

Please see our invite below for further information and please let us know if you would like to attend asap as space is limited .

It would be great to see you there.

Best Wishes

A

And I replied:

Hi A

I would love to join you, but unfortunately I live in the US, so won't be able to.

Did you know that Lego has received 45,000 letters from parents, regretting that they are targeting girls in a way that reinforces stereotypes? The "Friends" range gives the idea that girlhood is about shopping and beauty. I lament the days when Lego promoted their blocks as if girls and boys could both enjoy them as equals. If you had a daughter, which would you rather she did? Played with a Lego set which gave her the message that she could build and explore just like a boy? Or played with a Lego set which gave her the message that if she wants to build and explore, it had better be in pink or purple, and it had better be about spas and pedicures? Imaginative play encourages children to think for themselves, and be creative, and dream. It seems to me a shame that girls are sent the message that their dreams take place within such limited parameters.

I would absolutely love to meet the Lego team and talk to them. Since I can't be there in person, if you saw fit to give one of them a copy of my email, I would be really interested to hear their reply. I understand that they are in the business of selling toys, not of broadening the horizons of girls, but I would like to give them the opportunity at least to pause and think about this issue.

I have been planning to do a blog post about the Lego "Friends" range. It seems courteous to give the Lego team an opportunity to give me their views before I do so.

I am attaching three photos of Lego sets in days gone by. Have a look at them alongside the packaging of Lego "Friends", and tell me which you think sends a more positive message to girls. I know I'm not alone in my opinions. 45,000 other parents feel the same (and if that figure is wrong, then I'm glad to give the Lego team an opportunity to correct me).

Best wishes

Iota

[Postscript: I was wrong about Lego having received 45,000 letters - I thought that sounded unlikely. That figure comes from a petition to Lego, which you can find here. I was the 51,968th signatory, so the number is going up. Don't you love it when the internet gives you a voice?]

I need your help on books

One of the great pleasures in having children is the way you get to revisit elements of your own childhood. This is nowhere more true than in reading. I have loved getting down from my mother's shelves the worn copies of books she read to me, to share with my own children.

When I started writing this post, there were three books that I loved reading as a child, whose titles and authors I can't remember. I thought you might be able to help, Bloggy Friends. A lot of you were avid childhood readers, I'm sure.

I say "when I started writing this post", because the three has been reduced to two. With the magic of blogging, as I was describing one of them, I remembered its identity. Ta-da! It's Thursday's Child, by Noel Streatfield. I have such strong memories of that one. I loved it. A girl runs away from an orphanage, and joins a family who lives and works on a canal barge. I remember how her job was to lead the horse along the towpath, how hard the work was, how affected by the weather, and I remember a scene which describes how she helped propel the barge through a tunnel, which had to be done by having two people lying on boards, one each side, and walking along the side walls, pushing the barge as they went. (Noel Streatfield describes that much better than I've done.) I remember that she is called Margaret Thursday because she was left at the orphanage on a Thursday, and how she fantasises that she is from a noble family, because she was left with finely embroidered linens.

So that was book number one. I highly recommend it for girls aged 8 to 12 (at a guess - it was a long time ago that I read it). Especially if you live near a canal, as I did.

Book number two is about a boy who befriends a dolphin calf called Wiki-wiki. I think it might be set in Hawai'i (do they have dolphins in Hawai'i?) One day there is what we would now call a tsunami, but in the book it's called a tidal wave, and Wiki-wiki is left stranded on the beach. The boy and his friends manage to rescue her. I loved that book. I read it several times. Can you help me track it down?

Book number three I remember very little of at all. It's about a girl who is something of a misfit, grumpy about life. She hears the most beautiful haunting music, played on a flute. The man playing the flute tells her it's by Debussy, and is called L'Apres-midi d'un Faune. The first time I heard that Debussy piece, in my early twenties, I suddenly recalled the book from my childhood, and thought "no wonder the girl was so captivated by this music - it's beautiful". I have never been able to hear that piece without thinking of the book. Do any of you know it? I would love to find it again. I haven't given you much to go on, but perhaps someone out there will recognise it.

While we're on the subject of books, I've just read one which I couldn't put down. It's called Cinderella Ate My Daughter (what a great title), by Peggy Orenstein. You should read it, whether you are in the business of bringing up daughters or sons, or just for interest. I can do no better (it's late, I'm tired) than quote from Amazon:

Pink and pretty or predatory and hardened, sexualized girlhood influences our daughters from infancy onward, telling them that how a girl looks matters more than who she is. Somewhere between the exhilarating rise of Girl Power in the 1990s and today, the pursuit of physical perfection has been recast as a source — the source — of female empowerment. And commercialization has spread the message faster and farther, reaching girls at ever-younger ages.

But, realistically, how many times can you say no when your daughter begs for a pint-size wedding gown or the latest Hannah Montana CD? And how dangerous is pink and pretty anyway—especially given girls' successes in the classroom and on the playing field? Being a princess is just make-believe, after all; eventually they grow out of it. Or do they? Does playing Cinderella shield girls from early sexualization—or prime them for it? Could today's little princess become tomorrow's sexting teen? And what if she does? Would that make her in charge of her sexuality—or an unwitting captive to it?

It's really well written, witty and clever, and very easy to read. A little depressing in one way (who would choose today's highly sexualised culture as a context for raising their daughter?), but I liked the opportunity to think about the issues head-on. I highly recommend it, and I've enjoyed the author's webpage too.