Ch-ch-ch-changes - the expat experience

OK, so everyone who is anyone is writing about what marks you out as an expat.

See here (Moscow)

and here (Chicago)

and here. (York)

I thought I'd better join in.

What do I do now, that I would never have done before my stint abroad?

• I don't mind if food isn't piping hot, and I don't expect plates to be warmed (though I do warm plates myself, if it's just me and Husband eating, without the children, which I guess is a dangerous indication of double standards, but I'm just being honest here).
• I used the adjective "excited" to describe adult emotions or behaviour. That always used to be a word just for children.
• I expect attentive customer service. This is a long, weary road to disappointment. I look back on myself in my pre-US days, and think "Why did I think that being ignored was comfortable and non-intrusive? What was wrong with me? What is wrong with Britain?" The one that really gets me is when someone says "I'll be with you in a minute" and continues writing on a piece of paper behind the till. I feel like saying "That piece of paper isn't going to make a purchase. I might. It is in your interests to serve me first, and attend to the piece of paper's needs later."
• I might mention that I used to see a counsellor. I might even go so far as to use the word therapist. I know. I'm never going to fit back in.
• I can't stop going on about how wonderful the NHS is. My GP politely listens. I haven't yet made an appointment with her just to tell her how wonderful the NHS is, but I can feel it coming. There was a notice up on the waiting room door saying "We arranged an extra clinic to meet demand, and ONE THIRD of patients didn't show up for their appointment. Please let us know if you are unable to attend an appointment." I wanted to go out and buy my GP flowers to make up for it. 
• I would quite like magazines in the waiting room that are dated later than 2011, though. 
• I say "uh-huh" instead of "yes". Which actually is quite Scottish, so that's ok. No-one notices. I sometimes say "absolutely" instead of "yes". I sometimes say "totally" instead of "yes". 
• I use the word "totally" way too much. I say "way too much" way too much.
• I find John Humphrys way too rude, irritating and aggressive. In fact, I don't listen to The Today Programme at all any more, which was one of the things I was looking forward to getting back to. There are only so many times you can shout "let them finish their answer" at the radio before you give up. 
• I would like parking spaces (which I call "parking spots") to reflect more accurately the width of the average 21st century car.

There are a million other things, but the list is long enough.

.