Saturday, October 27, 2012

Meet Hector

We have a puppy! He is a cocker spaniel (English cocker spaniels are a bit smaller than American cockers, for my US readers). He is a blue roan, which is breeder-speak for speckledy grey with black and white patches. Here he is.


There are two things that I've learnt about puppies. The first is that they are very hard to photograph, especially if they have black faces, because then it looks as if they don't have eyes. So forgive me the quality of the pictures in this post. The second is that they won't bother about getting house trained, if you don't bother. A lot. A very lot.

Apart from the house training issue (which is my fault, really, because I just can't build my life round taking a dog outside every 20 minutes, and what progress I'd made, we lost when half-term started and my eye was even less on the house training ball than before), he is a pleasure. He is fun, confident, unbelievably cute, and as 8-yo commented the other day "has brought a lot of joy to our lives". Most of our lives, in any case. I could say all but one of our lives... Looking at you here, Husband... You'll bond with him in time... Trust me...

I do particularly like the fact that he is good at nights. I wasn't looking forward to having to get up in the night to a barking or whining puppy, or those horribly early mornings when the puppy body clock says "day begins now". But Hector has got me up only once in the night. From night one, when we firmly shut the kitchen door, and the bedroom door, and didn't borrow a baby monitor, he settled well. He settles in the evening, and even though he hears us next door in the sitting room, he will put himself to bed in the kitchen, not even being offended if I go in to make a cup of tea. When half-term began, I predicted that his body clock would still be on school hours, but he only barks when he hears us get up. Of course the kitchen floor is littered with unwelcome surprises, but I'll happily mop those up if it means I've had an extra hour or two in bed.

I don't really know what else to tell you about Hector (for such is his name). Oh, except that he was clearly destined to be ours. I'd already short-listed Hector as a name (remember that blog post?). We'd decided on a cocker, a male, and my first choice was a blue roan. When I phoned a breeder, I asked if there were any males in the litter, and any blue roans. The breeder replied "There's only one blue roan boy. He's very inquisitive so we've nick-named him Hector the Inspector". We went to see the litter, and fell in love with Hector, but the children also fell for another, whom they nick-named Cuddles. Cuddles, an orange roan (brown and white), was the shy, timid puppy who pulled at heartstrings. The other puppies gambolled about, while Cuddles got tired, and simply fell asleep in the middle of the floor. So we went off to have a coffee and discuss the issue. I phoned the breeder, said we were still choosing between the two, and asked if we could come and have another look, (though I told the children that Hector was my first choice, as I preferred to have a confident rather than a timid dog). But while we had been having coffee, the next buyer - who had said he wanted one of the all-black puppies from the litter - had chosen orange roan Cuddles instead. So Hector was ours! It was meant to be.

Here are another couple of pictures of him. Bless his little, soft, furry, blue roan heart.



Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Further woes of a returning Brit

Laundry. It's a common cause for angst amongst Americans living in Britain. As I said in my last post, I find I've crossed the line. I'm in the Big American Washing Machines and Dryers sisterhood now.

There's another divide I've traversed. It also reduces me to a quivering heap of rage from time to time. I'm sure you can guess what it is. Yup. Customer service. Tell me...
  • Why do I need a pound for a supermarket trolley? Does the supermarket not want my business? Do they not want to make it easy for me to shop with them? Don't try that prevention-of-vandalism argument with me. If I was a vandal intent on a late night jaunt involving some drunken friends, a shopping trolley, a hill, and a disused quarry or murky canal (sounds quite fun, actually), I don't think the need for a pound coin would put me off. 
  • Why do shop assistants expect me to stand and wait while they finish their personal conversations?
  • Why do they think it makes it better to say "I'll be with you in a minute"? I am the customer. Be with me NOW.
  • Why do shop assistants say "It's over there" and wave vaguely in the direction from which I've come? I wouldn't be asking them where it was, if I'd found it "over there".
  • When they say "It's over there", why do they add "or it should be"? I'm not interested in where it should be. I'm interested in where it IS. 
  • When I say "I couldn't find it over there", why do they ask "Do you want me to show you?" OF COURSE I want you to show me. If I didn't want you to show me, I wouldn't have asked. 
  • Why do shop assistants content themselves (but not me) with saying "I don't know"? It is your job to know, or to find out.
  • Why is the British public so happy to be told "It's up to you, really"? Yes, it's up to me - I'm the customer after all (perhaps I should just remind you of that) - but I am asking for your advice. That's why you are in this job.
  • Why do waiters ignore me studiously when I want the bill? Do they not WANT my money?
  • How on earth do the public loos in cafes and shops pass health and safety standards?
Oh dear, I can feel my blood pressure rising as I write this. Too many UPPER CASE WORDS are creeping in. I'll have to go to Belgium for a day. That'll make me feel better about British customer service.

.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Washing woes

If you read expat blogs, there is one subject that comes up again and again. A subject that evokes the deepest, darkest, most shameful emotions, that stirs home-loving, patriotic passion, that will reduce the most rational, accepting, broad-horizoned traveler to a ranting, bigoted ball of nationalistic hatred. Yes... it's the laundry.

I could write a blog post about my puppy. But as I sit at the computer, I am possessed with a fury that I have seldom known in my life, and I need to run into the therapeutic arms of the blogosphere, to release my pent-up loathing. Loathing, hatred, intense dislike. The thesaurus has left me high and dry. I am lost for words to describe my murderous, raging, venomous, aaaargh...... towards my washer-drier. I don't even know how to spell it. Washer-drier? Washer-dryer? What kind of a thing doesn't even know how to spell itself?

Stick to one thing. Wash if you wash. Dry if you dry. Don't try and multi-task. That's for women. Human beings with a brain, intelligence, and years of experience with laundry. You smug little square white pile of... metal. You think you're so wonderfully clever, with your wheel of different programme numbers, and your buttons of special options.You have that irritating know-all expression on your glass-fronted face, and you rumble away in the corner as if you are the King of Clean Dry Clothing Land. But you know NOTHING! You have the laundry sensitivity of a rampaging bull ox. In season. DON'T try to interrupt. What do you know of animal biology?

I poo-poo your eco-wash option. I hate your small white dials. I spit on your spin speed selector. I refuse to  look at your detergent drawer. I walk by on the other side of the utility room, with my face turned away. I despise your attempts to win me back, with your luring offer of three different levels of dryness. Hanging dry, ironing dry, wardrobe dry. It all sounds so good, but then you go and spoil it all. How can I trust you again? No. Nothing you can do can make me change my mind. I will not relent. You have ruined our relationship. I started out suspicious of your dual nature, your washer-dryer combination, but willing to put my prejudices to one side, to make an effort with you. You have ignored my needs, trampled over my desires. My dreams lie in shrunken, creased heaps. You have put me through the wringer, and hung me out to... never mind. There are no more second chances. I am dumping you.

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss my great big American washing machine. OK, so it didn't get the clothes very clean, but at least it tried. It didn't knot them, shrink them, crumple them, and spew them out at my feet, jeering at my woe and sorrow. It wasn't high-tech or environmentally friendly, but sometimes, I have come to realise, size DOES matter. You and your namby-pamby 5 kilogram weight limit. I don't need your clever clogs technology. I need a machine that will love and accept my huge loads of dirty washing, and then another one that will dry them, gently and carefully, with me at the controls. Machines that will discuss with me what outcomes I want, rather than arrogantly assume they know best. Do you care about 11-yo's Manchester United fleece? You say you do. Your instruction book makes all kinds of extravagant claims. But your behaviour is contrary to those empty promises. You've ruined that fleece. That precious fleece. That fleece, several pairs of school trousers, socks, t-shirts, a dressing gown, and my new M&S panties, with no regard to the cost. Hotpoint, it's over between us.

American expats, I feel your pain. I've crossed over. I'm on your side now. I'm missing my Maytags.