Alcohol

I am not going to win that competition, because

(a) no holiday company in their right mind would put a photo of a baby with alcohol on their website
(b) the terms and conditions state that you have to be resident in the UK
(c) I didn't write the post I wanted to write because I left it too late and was hurrying to meet the deadline (I am the 49th entry out of 49), and
(d) because this fabulous post should win. In my opinion. And I didn't read all 48, so don't get cross with me if you're one of the others. Perhaps I just skipped yours.

Even if not a competition winner, the post does give me a perfect segue into a subject that I've been meaning to write about for ages. Alcohol. And this is where I go all prudish on you. Sorry. Please love me anyway.

I had to give the school a baby photo of 14-yo recently. They put together a montage with a baby photo and a current photo of each child. There were oohs and aahs as the slideshow played. I'm imagining that if I'd submitted the photo from my last post, it would have elicited a giggle, or a full-blown laugh, from the audience in a British school. Here, there would have been a silence. An awkward silence. I guess the equivalent would be if you sent in a photo of your smiling baby, sitting on a sofa, with a used syringe by his side. Not quite so funny, eh?

Quite honestly, I am shocked by the UK's acceptance that you can't really go to a city centre on a Saturday night, unless you want to tiptoe your way through the drunken brawls while sidestepping the vomit. Are you really happy, you British taxpayers, that a big chunk of the money you give to that wondrous phenomenon "socialised medicine" is used up in A&E departments, scraping people off the floor and propping them up against a wall until they sober up? Is it reasonable to expect our lovely British Bobbies and A&E medics to spend their Saturday nights doing this?

When I was in England last summer, I was shopping in Curry's, and got chatting to the sales assistant, as he was filling in details about some warranty or other. (Yes, I bought some kind of a warranty on a Curry's product... don't judge me... love me anyway...) He started joking about the week-end, and saying he wouldn't be up to much on Sunday, because he was going out on Saturday night, and we all know what that means. It went over my kids' heads, but it did give me pause for thought. Was it really OK to joke with a customer about getting drunk? It has become commonplace humour that we drink too much (just look at the 'About Me' sections of mummy blogs). Is that really very funny? I'd like to go all smug here, and say that living away from your own culture does give you the opportunity to see some aspects of it in a new way.

After living here for 5 years, I have come to a changed perspective on alcohol. I don't think they get it totally right here - there is a prudishness verging on anxiety. The university where Husband teaches is obsessive about allowing no alcohol on campus, including the student dorms. (Yes, you read that correctly.) So I'm not saying 'come, be like us', and the circles we hang out in do definitely crack open a bottle of wine on social occasions. Either that, or they say to each other beforehand "oh no, it's those English people, help, we'll have to have wine on offer otherwise they're so uptight they can't relax and it's so awkward, but we'll have to pretend that we usually have wine with a meal..." There's also a very odd combination of Christianity and low alcohol tolerance. If you go to a church event, it's almost unheard of to find a glass of wine there. It's odd, because of the little we know about Jesus, we know that he drank wine. And if I had to lay money on whether a glass of red wine does you more damage than a can of Coke, I know which one I'd pick. Oh, except that would be gambling. Alcohol and now gambling. See how quickly one can descend the slippery slope.

Where was I? Oh yes. I don't think they get it completely right here, but I do think they do a better job than in contemporary Britain. There is more protection of young people, and there is less reliance on alcohol to oil the social wheels. The topic is getting more acute for me, what with a 14.5 year old in the house. Here, you can't drink until you're 21. We all know that people do, of course of course, but it does make for a difference to the teenage years. Alcohol really isn't on 14-yo's horizon yet. Social events are either hanging out with the boys at someone's house, or school dances and formal birthday dances, touchingly old-fashioned in feel, and certainly alcohol-free. I am reliably informed that if we were in England, alcohol already would be very much on his horizon. Chalk that up as another reason to love being in America (though I can't lay that one at David Cameron's door).

I would love to know what the right approach is with teenagers. Husband and I always thought we'd go with the idea that by modelling moderation, and by introducing them to alcohol gradually over the years, you teach them to drink responsibly. But I do wonder if in fact what you are doing is teaching them to drink, full stop. The latest research backs this up (but I can't find it now. Bother.) On the other hand, if you don't teach them how to drink, the rest of society sure will once they move beyond home.

I am going to become Amish and move into their lovely horse-drawn-buggy-filled world. My children can leave when they are 25, but not a day before. That is totally the answer.