Dear So and So

Dear Man whose fiancee's car I scraped

I'm enclosing a check of the amount of $216.25 [made out to the garage, not to you.]. I feel obliged to do this, as I did cause the damage. It does seem very expensive, though, for a scrape the size of a nickel. I'm not going to be claiming this on insurance - I know that sometimes make a difference to how auto service centers approach the charges to these things [is that what you call them over here? repair garages? why do I still have so many occasions when I don't know the right words? you have no idea how much I hate that].

This sum represents significant expenditure for us [I know you're going to look at my fancy check and think we have some kind of premium account because we're fantastically rich, but we opened that account when we came over from Scotland, and we were bringing sums of money over - the proceeds of our house sale, that kind of thing - so they gave us a fancy check book, don't let it mislead you]. If you could see your way to finding a more affordable repair shop, I would be really very grateful. [This amount would pay for me to have my hair re-highlighted THREE times.]

[And by the way, it gives me small but satisfying pleasure to think of a 'Not the Nine O'Clock News' sketch from way back, which you would never have seen because it wouldn't have been on US television, in which a gorilla being interviewed by Pamela Stephenson has the same name as you.]

Yours sincerely

Iota


Let's see if there is decency in this world, shall we? I know, I just know, that there would be no point insisting on other quotes, or trying to negotiate over the phone. I think, honestly, it's worth $216.25 not to have to pursue this any further.


Dear Fiancee

Please don't marry this man. Marry someone nicer.

Yours sincerely

Iota

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