I love celebrating the children's birthdays, but this next one, 11-yo turning 12, is proving a bit of a hair in the gate. He and I have birthdays four days apart, and in America, they fell around Thanksgiving. We developed the tradition of a wonderful family time, taking the kids out of school for three days to turn the long week-end into a week, and heading off to Colorado. Late November in Colorado can be sunny and mild, or snowy and cold. It can be autumn or winter. I loved the element of surprise. We returned to favourite haunts, and did favourite things. We found snow, by heading high, and had a morning's sledding. We had a hike to a waterfall. We spent time in a cafe, drinking hot chocolate and playing cards. It was a much-anticipated week in a place special to the family. I even loved the journey, 10 hours' drive, along roads that had become familiar over the years.
11-yo has always done well for his birthday, because I've never wanted him to feel it's overshadowed by Christmas. Going to Colorado included a family celebration, and then he always had an event with friends too when we got back, whatever floated a young boy's boat. This year, back in Scotland, I was stuck. He was too. When we first discussed it, there were tears. He was suddenly overwhelmed with thoughts of friends back in the US, the memory of the huge party he had a couple of years ago joint with his best friend whose birthday is around the same time, and assertions that he doesn't have any friends here who he would want to invite. I left the subject for a few days. At the next discussion, he claimed that everyone in his entire class has already seen Skyfall, and no-one would want to see it again. No other idea was right either. Nobody would want to do anything.
This morning, as we walked to school, I found I was explaining and re-explaining why there had to be a limit of 3, on the number of friends we'd take to the cinema, and that if he really wanted to include a whole bunch of boys, we could have them round for a video and pizza instead. Phew. Given the choice of being faced with a child's anguish ("I don't have any friends") or a child's anger ("But WHY can't I invite 4 for the cinema?"), I'd willingly take the second, exhausting though it can be.
I thought we were unstuck on the birthday front, and it felt good. Until 8-yo piped up
"For my birthday, we'll be going back to America, won't we?"
I knew I had to nip that expectation in the bud, and told her that no, that wouldn't be possible.
"But it's ok, because it'll be half term," she countered.
Sometimes moving continents is a real bummer.
Oh, hard.... But in a few months' time all this will seem like a distant memory when they have a gazillion new friends... So tough for them though...and you keeping everyone together and happy...
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J'ph
Oh, my heart goes out to 11 y-o, & you all for that matter. It really is hard. we had really damp squib birthdays cos we had just arrived in a new country, then a raft of good ones in countries where we cd either afford to do a bit more or there were 'different' things to do. Then back here, similar problem to you with lack of friends, expense, homesickness for the familiar pattern of celebrations.
ReplyDeleteCould you do something really different like a night hike or a treasure hunt round the school grounds, or an American themed evening? I find that a lot of kids' birthdays are very samey so if you can do something different, it usually goes down really well. Why not have a bonfire, outdoor food, roast marshmallows (or s'mores) some fireworks etc
Ahhh, bless. It's funny that they think of the US as "home". You must be feeling a lot more "at home" than they are right now. I hope the birthday goes well.
ReplyDeleteAw that's rather sad for 11 y-o! Must be hard to be excited for a birthday when you haven't really settled in a new country or made proper friends. Proper friendships take a little while. I hope he enjoys his birthday whatever he decides to do. I have an exam on my birthday, so tell him it could be worse! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure we will have the same issue next year. I'm hoping to give the boys extra special birthday parties before we leave, in anticipation of the lack of friends to come.
ReplyDeletePoor him! My birthday is 3 days before Christmas and still feels like a complete non- event so well done you on making it a special time despite thanksgiving! I like the idea of doing something different, but I get the impression that he's in the sort of mood where anything will get rejected... Good luck!
ReplyDeletePs hair in the gate?
Paintballing? Is he into shooting things? My son (just 7) would donate all his organs for the chance to go paintballing. I've said no until he's older. Don't even think they're allowed to do it at his age. Am sure you'll all settle in soon
ReplyDeleteAw, I really felt for both of you here. That Colorado trip, or trips (lucky you!), sounds amazing. It would be impossible to top that. I guess the birthday is over now, but for future would a trip to London and the Natural History Museum be out of the question? I think they sometimes do "Night at the Museum" sleepovers. Just an idea..
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