Yes, I thought a title as snappy and inviting as that would have you clicking quickly over here.
Here's a story. What would you have done? I'm genuinely interested. And when you've all told me, I'll tell you what I did.
11-yo found a £10 note in our front garden. Imagine the joy. We're in a cul-de-sac of two houses, not on a street, so it was a bit of a puzzle. No-one passes by, possibly dropping money as they go.
We asked our neighbours, and it wasn't theirs. We said "Finders Keepers", and 11-yo was happy. But then a couple of days later, I asked the postman, and he said yes, it was his (and I asked in such a way that I knew it was, ok? I didn't just say "We found a £10 note; did you drop one?"). So I gave the postman £10.
So what happens now? Do I tell 11-yo, and tell him he has to give up the £10 note to me? Do I not tell 11-yo, because spoiling a child's joy is a rotten thing to do? Should I have not even asked the postman? (Too late now on that one.) Do I split the damage 50-50 with 11-yo - not logical, but a reasonable compromise?
The other factor you need to know in this story, is that it's 11-yo's birthday this week. Obviously that has no moral bearing at all, but I find it significant, in a flakey maternal way.
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I'd tell the child but say she/she could keep the money. I think it's right to explain that the owner has been found (and the unspoken message is that you were honest enough to do the detective work and replace the cash, which is the moral point of telling: it wasn't actually manna from heaven), but you'd said 11-yo could have it so it became up to you to put matters right.
ReplyDeleteMy first instinct was to go with splitting it, but actually I think that might make 11yo less inclined to tell you in the future so - oh, I don't know. But what I DO want to know is how you phrased the question to the postman???
ReplyDeleteNo, you should tell the 11 year old that the owner was found and that you paid him the money and that now he should pay you. He has to know that these things really happen and that this is the way the world turns. Why would you want to give him a false impression of reality? It would be dishonest to present it any other way.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Irene - the owner was found and if the situation were in reverse, your son would be happy to get his money back. I'm a strong believer in karma, so he/you will be repaid in the future :)
ReplyDeleteI think I would have waited a longer period of time before handing over the money and explained it could take a while to find the owner. The one thing you all DID know was that the money did not belong to you. Ad, especially at Christmas, I would give the child an opportunity to give the money to a worthwhile charity.
ReplyDeleteIt's tricky because you did already say he could keep the money.... but 11 yr olds are not so little any more that it would cause a terrible disappointment to work something out, I think. Could you perhaps present it to him in such a way that he would make the choice of giving up the money instead of asking for it?
ReplyDeleteHow did the postman drop the money in your garden at all?
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Tricky since it was really your decision to let him have the money. I think I would have explained the situation with a heavy bent on going 50-50 - after all, five quid is still better than a poke in the eye. It teaches him a little responsibility and honesty but doesn't ruin his birthday.
ReplyDeleteI have blogged about this but we once found a camera in a rent car in Mexico. I went to huge lengths (6 months) to find the owner, and meanwhile we let the Queenager (a budding photographer) have the use of it on the understanding that if we ever found the owner, it would have to go back.
When we returned the camera, the Queenager had made a little movie on it, showing the owners her bedroom (she was 11) and they were so entranced they sent her a $50 reward. Karma indeed!
Explain the situation to 11 yo fully, giving him the opportunity to give you the £10 (making him understand subtly that this is the expectation but ensure it is HIS idea, (he is **sexism alert** male after all))
ReplyDeleteThen as reward for generosity of spirit, understanding, and all round 11yo good eggedness, "reward" him (some days later but not so many as so have separated the events) to the tune of a tenner. EIther in hard cash or some other form of reward that will help him see that he made a good choice. And that you are pleased that he did.
Oh, and do let us know the outcome!
x J x
If your 11-year-old is anything like I was at that age, he's probably already been gleefully planning what he's going to buy with his massive windfall.
ReplyDeleteI think in these circumstances it would be harsh to take it back from him. I would explain that the money belonged to the postman and that you've yourself paid the postman back his money. However, you will let 11-year-old keep the original tenner if he earns it - fair's fair - and then get him to do the washing up and clean his bedroom. Nothing too draconian, just enough so he can feel he's earned the money.
I think, harsh as it may seem, you should tell 11 yr old what happened and then he will hopefully surrender the £10 without prompting. When he has done it, perhaps reward him with a small something to thank him for giving it up graciously. After all, if he had lost £10 he would hope that some honest person would return it to him. If he doesn't give it back without prompting, you need to prompt him! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Elaine and some of the others: tell him what happened and let him make the decision to give the money back. Once that decision's been made (the hard part) you can reward him for flexing his growing 'character muscles' in a way that you see fit (replace the money, give him half, whatever.)
ReplyDeleteI'd tell him. Just in an "Oh, by the way, do you know what happened when I was chatting to the postman" sort of a way and just see what he says. If he volunteers to pay you back then you can say he doesn't need to and be very proud of him, and if he says nothing, well you weren't going to ask him to pay you back anyway were you?
ReplyDeleteWhich is another way of saying "what the others say" really isn't it?