Last year, I was in the middle of chemotherapy. The doctor was very concerned that I should keep my weight up. I never really thought about the issue. There were other, bigger things on my mind. My weight did keep constant during chemo (thanks to my attentive husband who took control of the dietary needs of the family), but I lost the best part of a stone, all told, during the course of the year. A stone I didn't need.
This year, I am chatting to a mother while we wait for our kids. She is from Korea, and there is a bit of a language barrier. She asks about my summer. She says "and I think you've enjoyed eating food in your own country". I hesitate. She hasn't just told me that she's noticed I've put on weight? Surely not. Is she making an ironic joke about British cuisine? Is she trying to empathise about what I most enjoyed during a trip home? I hesitate, and indicate that I haven't quite understood. She pats her hips and then points to mine, and with a smile, says "I can see you've been enjoying eating this summer -eating extra!"
Right. So it's visible then. That little bit round my middle.
I like to think of myself as pretty accepting of other cultures, but I really can't be bothered to try and research whether it is a compliment in Korea to be told your hips are full.
My "this year" bubble has burst with a resounding pop.
.
Sounds like the Albanian culture they are VERY direct, including & especially if you have put on weight or, to one Rumanian friend, "you'd be really beautiful if you weren't so fat."
ReplyDeleteI just cannot get my head round the fact that that is not considered in anyway rude or offensive...........
Reminds me of the time my mum said to me "How come you're still so fat even though you do all that exercise?!". I was maybe ten stone at the most at the time too. Some people....!
ReplyDeleteThat's classic Asian directness. In Singapore they are obsessed by weight and almost any conversation begins with queries over whethe rone has "reduced" or not recently. Last week I was told: 'you were probably quite cute when you were younger' - by a taxi driver....
ReplyDeleteOh no, I can't imagine how that could be a compliment! Still you have to admire her language skills....
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry Iota. The postman asked me if I was expecting again the other day. I'm glad you enjoyed your holiday. x
ReplyDeleteWell you looked great when I saw you and I can't imagine that a little extra would have made the slightest difference. Funny though.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, having a reed slim teenage daughter, no one thinks twice (on either side of the Atlantic) about voicing their concern at her skinny-ness. Still very rude in my opinion.
Lol! It must make life easier for them to be so honest though!
ReplyDeleteI've had 2 people ask me if I was pregnant in the last 6 months. Great way to make your self esteem plummet.
ReplyDeleteTwas indeed lovely to see you looking well happy and relaxed.
xxx
Ha ha I've been enjoying eating in my country this summer too, ouch!
ReplyDeleteWhat did you say? Or, perhaps, what do you wish now you'd said?
ReplyDeleteI bet there are a million potential witty put downs out there - but isn't it almost as irritating as being told by a relative stranger (or your Granny, or your mum, or your children - yes those have all happened to me) that you're fat, that you can't ever think of them at the time?
ps to look at me since we moved here you'd think I'd been enjoying the famous Scottish cuisine too...
My granny was convinced that added weight was a good thing, so when she told anyone they were looking really well... then they knew what to do. She particularly liked my large glasses (in the 80s) and curly hair, so when I felt at my worst- fat, frizzy and speccy- it was always good to know that someone approved :)
ReplyDeleteAhhhh...this makes me giggle a bit. The Korean and Lao women who used to work with me in California once said to me: "Rachel, you need to eat less. You look pregnant." The (fresh-from) Indian women in my masters course have no issue telling me I look tired and pointing at the dark circles under my eyes. The Chinese woman the other day told me: "You are losing weight but you need to lose more. You have a tire on your belly." I don't think you ever really get used to the Asian bluntness on these issues!
ReplyDeleteOh! I forgot that the Tawainese women told me last week that I could be a model if I just lost weight. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteA friend interviewed a nanny who was from the Philippines. Half way through the interview, the nanny pointed to a picture of my friend on her wedding day and said, 'You were much thinner then!' and gave a wide smile. My friend nearly fell off her chair, but apparently putting on or taking off weight is merely a fact to be commented on, and not seen as rude at all. And fear not, bet you look lovely as ever!
ReplyDeleteHI Iota: Asians are tactless. It's as simple as that. Perhaps without realizing it, but nevertheless. I say that even with my own Asian heritage. A Filipino client of mine, newly introduced to another, blurted out "yeah, I've seen you in University. We were in the same program. YOU were skinny then."(Wooh! I was stunned.) The Koreans are known to be exceptionally vain and are not embarrassed to discuss openly any cosmetic concoction they use or procedure they've undergone. Yeah, I used to think Asians very annoying and rude in the sense of being blunt about weight. But as my mom explained to me, the Asians talk about weight the way Americans (or Brits) talk about the weather. It's considered a safe or harmless topic. (Hmmmm. Uhm... yeah, in the sense of it not being politics or religion. :) Anyhoo, comments like those are silly really. Because anyone compared to a Zhang Ziyi standard or perhaps a Manga cartoon character, is inevitably going to be "someone who loves the food".
ReplyDeleteBut sometimes, I don't think it has to do with culture or geographics. Since we got married (1 year and a half ago), my very-British husband has twice been told by his very-British friends about his belly weight gain (which honestly was very slight!). The first time was by Malcolm, pointing to his belly, -- "now thats what I call "contentment"". And by Nigel ("I see we've collected a bit of blubber for the winter"). Ha-ha! I told him you know what? We've reached this age, we're entitled to a bit of blubber, regardless of the season! :)
Oh no! That would burst your bubble all right!
ReplyDeleteMy MIL used to always greet me with "you look well, you've put on weight", as though it was a compliment! I would reply that I had actually lost some, even if I hadn't. eventually, she got the message!
Oh yeah. Like my mum's friend, who pinched my cheek, saying "You've put on so much weight - especially in your face!" That was years ago, and it still stings.
ReplyDeleteTake it as a compliment I thought you looked great! Though I think I too would feel like my bubble had burst too....
ReplyDeleteHaha. Rest assured, you looked VERY slim when I saw you in July, I am sure enjoying the food in your country only did you well! x
ReplyDelete