Really Rachel shrieks

Where was I? Oh yes, just off to kiss some babies. And if you want babies, the blogging world is full of them, often with pictures. Scrumptious to the point of being edible. I'm in Newcastle-upon-Tyne on my baby-kissing tour today. That's the home of Really Rachel, who has two adorable daughters. If you read her most recent post, it looks as if they're called Splodge and Voila, but don't be fooled. That's her description of their artistic activities.

Rachel has this cunning plan, whereby she has a series of guest bloggers on a Friday. She asked for volunteers, and so I put my virtual hand up. But then I had a cunning plan too. I told her my policy (and I've been a civil servant, I know how quickly you can invent a policy when you need to) was to do guest post swaps. She fell for it, and that is how it comes to pass that you can read her here, and me over in Newcastle-upon-Tyne at Really Rachel.

I'd like to offer you a clever connection between what we have each written about, but sadly, there isn't one (unless someone can spot it). I've written about how much I miss the sea; Rachel has written about shrieking. Since I've been going to Olde English Teas, and practising English demureness and poise, you know there is no shrieking at my place, oh no, (though I think I did use the words "small shriek of delight" in yesterday's post), so I take no responsibility for anything she says.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you.... Really Rachel!

Making Mummy Shriek

Mummies make some funny noises. There’s talking, obviously. That goes on and on sometimes. And there’s shouting, which is just a waste of energy, really. Laughing is good – you can’t help but join in, even if you’ve got no idea what’s so funny. But shrieks are the best: unexpected bursts of unusual noise. Such fun! And even if you’re less than a year old, there are still plenty of ways that you can make your mummy shriek.

• Pull her hair – An obvious one, but a good one. Try grabbing a small amount of hair and pulling hard. Dangly earrings or necklaces are also good to tug. Your mummy might shriek in pain or she might shriek about her delicate jewellery. If anything does break off, try eating it for a further shriek-effect.
• Climb stairs – Become adept at noticing when doors and stair-gates are left open so that you can take every opportunity to climb the stairs. Giggle loudly as you climb to ensure that your mummy will come to see what you are doing. When you reach the top, turn round as though you are about to launch yourself head-first down the stairs. If your mummy doesn’t shriek as you climb, she might shriek when you threaten to descend. NB The shriek-effect wears off if you appear too competent.
• Eat marbles – Any small, hard object will do but marbles are excellent and easily obtainable from older siblings. Simply pop them into your mouth and display bumpy cheeks. Don’t swallow the marbles, of course. That would be silly. Just let everyone think that you might. Mummy will stop shrieking about this after the first day or so but new visitors will always find this horrifying.
• Touch toilets – You don’t, in fact, have to actually touch the toilet to elicit a shriek. Simply toddling towards it with an outstretched arm will do. That said, nothing can beat putting your whole arm into the toilet for obtaining a really satisfying shriek. If you can be holding your teddy at the same time, so much the better.
• Empty the bin – Again, the very idea of this can cause shrieking but actually pulling items from the bin is more effective. For maximum shriekage, choose a bin that contains something soggy and unpleasant. If the shriek is slow to occur, raise some rubbish towards your mouth. This is guaranteed to bring mummy shrieking and running, which is very funny indeed.

So tell me: How do you make your mummy shriek?

You can read more Really Rachel (when I'm not hogging her space) by clicking here.

.