Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Thanksgiving: the shadow side

Okay, okay, so that Thanksgiving post was a bit Pollyanna. I admit it. Truth is, I chopped the last bit off the first draft. That was partly in line with my policy of trying to write shorter posts these days, partly because I thought it spoiled the Thanksgiving jollity, and partly because I thought it was an idea that merited a post of its own. Here is that last thought…

There's a line in the film Father of the Bride when Steve Martin is reflecting on how it feels to bring up a daughter. He says:

"There comes a day when you quit worrying about her meeting the wrong guy, and you worry about her meeting the right guy, and that's the biggest fear of all, because then you lose her".

The Parent's Paradox. I suggest that there’s an Expat’s Paradox which parallels it. It goes like this:

There comes a time when you quit worrying about this being the wrong place, and you worry about this being the right place, and that's the biggest fear of all, because then you lose something important of yourself”.

I'm not there myself yet, not by a long chalk, but perhaps my idyllic Thanksgiving break gave me a glimpse (maybe it was the redemptive green bean casserole that did it).

Blimey, these thoughts look a lot scarier typed out in black and white than I imagined they would.

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11 comments:

  1. Shhhhh! You have just breached the first rule of Expat Club!

    PS Don't tell anyone, but I quite like living here. Sure, I might have the occasional rant, but I even secretly like it in Walmart...

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  2. Wow!! Love that and did try that tactic a few years back, but afraid to say the UK is still calling me. What to do??

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  3. I'm watching some silly show today called "Monster Quest" where they've found some new bear species that is a cross between polar bear and grizzly bear. I think it is pretty neat that this new bear is not either of its predicessors (sp?) but its own new being. Maybe that's what you are -- some new unique beautiful "Not American" but "changed from British" being? Ok -- that was a stretch I guess, and I'm certainly not calling you a Monster. Oh I should just stop now as my foot has become lodged in my gullet.

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  4. I talked to another Expat here the other day who has been here 10 years and clearly has no intention of going back. I can see how it can happen - especially if your kids are fully esconced in school and you have formed a social life. At the moment it still seems very temporary to me but I have to admit, I do like it.

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  5. We've been planning a move for about five years hence (when the two older kids are at college and before the little guy gets into high school). I had always assumed we'd go back to England at least for a while, but now that I'll have two kids here in college plus some ageing in-laws (with no other children to see to them), I am having to re-think things. A bit weird really.

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  6. Not listening! Lalalalalala! (Although somehow I think the likelihood of Moscow being 'the right place' is slim...)

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  7. I'm with Potty Mummy. There are right places and right places. Not thinking Bosnia qualifies as a life long right place. Interesting adventure for a bit, yes. Life long settlement - I'm running for the hills! Must have a take away coffee shop within the vicinity.

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  8. I don't think there is anything wrong with being completely happy and wanting to stay in your "new country." It doesn't mean you love your old one any less. My life in England was always going to be temporary, we had a four year plan, but now it's a one year plan, and I'm a bit sad that we didn't get to do and see all the things I dreamed of seeing, but I get to show my world to my family. My new family will get to know and spend time with my "old" family. We'll be blended together in a way that we aren't here (husband doesn't have much family left, and I have tons). I don't want them to ever feel like we've taken their heritage away from them, but my hope for them is that they'll love the world that we've taken them to and that they'll adapt easily (hopefully better than I have to England) these last months.

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  9. Such dilemma - good thing is you can take the best bits of both places and make it yours for the duration. I never knew where home was as I grew up it was just where we were at the time. Perhaps that makes it easier?

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  10. Its funny how something like that sneaks up on you, isnt it?! The Expat's Paradox, I like it.

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