Back to school

I don't know if you remember, but way back last August, I enrolled to do a Masters in Christian Ministry. I've just completed the first year. It's the big casualty of our move back to the UK. I would love to finish it, not only for the content per se, but also for the sense of achievement that would be. I have occasionally fantasised about graduating - gown, hat, certificate, that kind of thing - and it's always felt good.

People here ask if I can transfer the credits and finish in a university in Britain, but I don't think British universities are open to that kind of credit trading (I may be wrong here). They then look at me with a "wot?" expression on their faces, because that is so very standard over here. But credit transfer or no credit transfer, I am hoping to continue in some shape or form. The city we will be living in has a university known for its theology department, and I'm hoping they will have me. The only question is whether to try and sneak in this autumn (which feels rather overwhelming), or to take a year to settle, focus on the family, and apply for next year, giving myself time to think more carefully about what area of theology I want to engage with, and to do lots of preparatory reading. I think I've just answered that question for myself.

Husband is enjoying having a nascent theologian in the family. I use words like 'theodicy' and 'post-modern' quite a bit, and have opinions on the way the Enlightment has affected the church. I no longer say things like "I suppose God might be a Trinity, but who knows? and why would it be important anyway?" (though hmmm... my old self did have a good point, come to think of it...).

I started the course (you may remember) with the attitude of "well, this might be fun, and you never know where something may lead, and I can always drop out if I don't like it". I was wondering if I should get a job instead. I'm so glad I tried the Masters, though. It's been like a door opening into an intriguing new world. I have struggled with some things. It hasn't been an easy ride at all. I have found some of the ideas difficult to grasp, I have discovered strong and uncomfortable opinions I didn't know I held, I've not always found my classmates easy to be alongside. But... I have loved it. I have loved going out on a Monday evening and leaving everything else behind (bad timing, though, Monday evening). I have loved the intellectual challenge. I have loved the confidence that comes with having to give class presentations. I have loved rediscovering rusty academic abilities. All those skills developed of old, which have laid dormant for 25 years - they're all still there. It was like meeting old friends. For example, I couldn't think of a conclusion for one essay I was doing, so I simply typed the sub-title "Conclusion" above the last paragraph I'd written, and ta-da, job was done. I found I'd said all I wanted to say, and had already summed it up adequately. Then I thought to myself "oh yes, I remember that old trick now". See? An old friend.

I could write at length about the topics I've covered, but you might be tempted to insert "Conclusion" before long, so I'll keep it brief. One of the really great things about the course is that it gives students a lot of freedom to pursue our individual interests - you'll see that in each of the four classes I've taken.

Church History
I thought this would be dull and boring, but, as I wrote on the course evaluation, "I have discovered my inner church historian". It makes so much sense of present day situations, if you have even a very scant knowledge of the history of the faith. For my paper on the topic of my choice, I wrote about the Crusades and Modern Day Guilt. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Christian/Muslim relations are going to be increasingly important in the century we've just begun, and I feel that the Christian church in Europe has a deep sense of guilt over the Crusades that somehow stands as an invisible block. So I looked at the whole topic of whether you can apologise for wrongs carried out in past generations. I discovered that there have been attempts by groups of Christians to do just that, and plenty of historians who say that the Crusades were such a mess, over so long a period of time, that it's impossible to say who should apologise to whom. I also discovered a rather fascinating 13th century theologian, called Ramon Llull, who wins the prize for having the most L's in a 5-letter surname, and who would be an excellent PhD subject, because he lived in Majorca, and of course any serious research into his life and writings would necessitate several lengthy trips.

Leadership 
I'm not in any position of church leadership, so I didn't think this would be terribly relevant to me, but a lot of it was about the development of personal spirituality, and so it was. Terribly relevant. I did a rather zappy presentation (though I say it myself), with photos and youtube clips, on Women and Body Image. I based it on two texts which had nothing to do with church or religion, but tried to think about how good theology could, and should, enable women to feel better about their bodies. We do not HAVE bodies; we ARE bodies. Why do we all fall victim to the idea that there is a perfect standard to which we should attain? What can we do about the fact that most women feel their bodies are so un-perfect? I can't remember how I tied that into "leadership", but as I said, the course is pretty flexible in that way.

Basic Theology
Yes, well, in my opinion there is nothing basic about theology, so that's an oxymoron right there before we've even started. My special topic was the Problem of Evil (Guilt and the Crusades, Women and Body Image, the Problem of Evil... I am nothing if not ambitious in my choice of topics). I didn't reach any conclusion on that thorny old problem of why an omnipotent, all-good God would allow evil and suffering in the world, but I had a pretty good canter round the course. I still think that if I was God, I'd have done things a bit differently, but, well, I'm not. And I guess God knows what he's doing. I sat in on one of Husband's undergrad classes, which was fun.

Dimensions of Worship
Ooh, this was fun. We had to go to worship service in two churches outside our own tradition, and then reflect and write on the experience. I went to the Eastern Orthodox Cathedral in town, which was beautiful, and an Episcopal service, beautiful in a different way. If I'd had more time (wasn't getting the house ready to sell, dealing with the prospect of an international move, single-parenting while Husband was away), I would have made the effort to venture further outside my comfort zone. I wanted to go to the church of the African American pastor who came to speak to the class, and respond with a vigorous "Ay-men" after each and every one of his sentences (can't you just see me?). Maybe I'll have time over the summer to do that, before we leave. There was a section on the Arts in Worship, and (for all the aforementioned reasons), I cheated, by digging out an old blog post - one which I'm very fond of, actually - imagining Jesus paying a visit to the toy shop where I work, and trying to recast it as a drama skit. I'm embarrassed even just writing that, and it didn't work very well at all, but it achieved my main objective which was to do with being brave, and speed rather than quality. Oh, and I also did a presentation on Food and Worship, in which I looked at the totally dysfunctional relationship our culture has with food. And gave everyone Ghiradelli dark chocolate to eat.


So there we are. Doing the MA was one of the best decisions that I've made. As I said in an email to the Prof in charge of the course, "It has been fun and exciting, opened new windows for me, challenged me, nurtured me, given me confidence, and enriched my life". It also taught me that sometimes the best decisions are ones that don't seem to make a huge amount of sense, and you're not sure why you're making them. Hurrah for randomness in life. And maybe it isn't randomness. 

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