Sleuth in action

Bloggy Friends, never let it be said that I slack in the quest to bring you knowledge, wisdom, and intellectual satisfaction. Since none of you, no, no, not one, could enlighten us all on the aseptic drinks issue, this morning when I went to Dillons, I decided to take my enquiries to the very site of the aseptic drinks mystery itself.

At the checkout, I engaged the friendly Jacob in my first level enquiry. He said that he, too, had often wondered what aseptic drinks were, and we pondered the issue together. Then he spotted the Assistant Store Manager, and called him over.

"I have a curious question for you", he said.

I'm including his exact words, because it's an opportunity to point out that in America, the word curious is used to mean inquisitive or enquiring, as in Curious George (the theme tune for which, "Upside Down", always makes me want to cry, I don't know why). In British English, the word curious means intriguing, unusual, peculiar. In American English, it's the subject of the action that's curious. In British English, it's the object. (I'm sorry, I have to tell you stuff like this. It's the way I'm made.)

Back to Dillons. Now, I have to say that we might have done better with the groceries manager. I think he would work with the detail of grocery vocabulary on a day to day basis, and would have had it down. The Assistant Store Manager, Barry, looked a little blank, and said

"It's the Gatorades and that kind of drink".

Bloggy Peeps, I thought of you, and I just knew you weren't going to be satisfied with that. I've been in America long enough that I'm a pretty assertive customer in shops these days (you'd be embarrassed to go shopping with me in England, I tell you), so I probed a little deeper.

"Yes, but what does it mean?"

I think the fundamental problem with the situation at this point was that Barry was with someone else, and no-one likes losing face in front of a colleague. So he hid behind his initial assertion, and repeated

"The Gatorades, those sports-type drinks. That's how the company defines it, anyway".

I assume he was invoking the authority of "the company" to bring the conversation to a close, so Jacob and I shared a companionable shrug, and I let the matter pass. But I know why he didn't want to talk about it any further. It was because he didn't know what aseptic drinks are. Relax, Barry. Nobody does.

They don't call me Iota Sherlock Manhattan for nothing. Actually, they don't call me Iota Sherlock Manhattan at all. Nonetheless, I have emailed Dillons customer services, because... we need to know. Aseptic drinks. I'm on the trail.