Of course the great thing about blogging is that even when your life moves geographically, your blog can stay where it is, in its own little cosy corner of the blogosphere. I find that settling, in a life which is suddenly in a whirl. So a big thank you, THANK YOU, to whoever nominated me for the Brilliance in Blogging awards (short lists here). Seems I am short-listed in two categories: I am "Lit!" (as in literary, I think, not as in all alight and on fire), and "Inspire!". You are very very kind, and you may just have persuaded me to keep blogging (for yes, dear Bloggy Friends, it had crossed my mind that once I am no longer an expat writing an expat blog, my blogging days will be over...).
So... I'm in the category "Inspire!", which is lovely of you all. I'm going to let you into a secret. When you have cancer, it's not difficult to be inspiring, because people kind of give you that label without you having to try. But I hadn't reckoned on the cancer effect not wearing off for a couple of years. Nearly three, actually. That's rather nice.
However, since I am about to return to the country where self-deprecation is the norm, I thought I should dust off my skills in this department, and share with you one way in which I have been totally uninspiring this week.
I wrapped the side of my car round a small post, about 18 inches high. It serves me right for using a bank drive-thru (sorry, I have to spell it that way). That is about the third time in five years in the US that I have used the drive-thru, partly as a matter of principle - what is so hard about parking your car, and walking into a building, for heaven's sake? - and partly because I didn't know how you actually operated a drive-thru and was too embarrassed to ask anyone. Or perhaps I had some dreadful premonition, that I would meet a sticky end in a drive-thru, and was avoiding them, but as fruitlessly as the King and Queen who banned all spindles from their kingdom, in an attempt to stop their Princess pricking her finger. Her destiny was to fall asleep for a hundred years. Mine was to mash up the driver's door, the passenger's door, and - ooh, my reactions were slow that day - the back wheel arch of my minivan. She dozed through a century, to be awakened by a Prince's gentle kiss. I endured the mirth of the Bank of America employees watching me from behind the big glass window as I got out to inspect the damage, and then phoned Husband to confess (who was very nice about it, though you can't get a kiss - gentle or otherwise - down a mobile phone). She planned a wedding and drifted off into the sunset. I looked up my car insurance documents, and discovered that we have a deductible of $1,000.
The incident did, however, give me a wonderful opportunity to model to my children how to react to such a situation. First off, I parked the car, and went into the bank to pay in the check. Yes, I did. I am nothing if not determined, when it comes to standing up to inappropriate bank merriment in the face of customer misfortune. I was definitely not going to slink away. I even remembered to make the kids stay in the car, so that they wouldn't get the free tooth-rotting lollipops that the bank gives out to them. (Ah... THAT was why I was doing the drive-thru... I knew there must have been a reason, apart from Destiny, of course.) Then I can't quite recall the details, but it involved shouting at the children, and subsequently listening while 14-yo, bless his tactful teenage heart, helpfully pointed out that I often tell him, if he is angry, not to take it out on another member of the family, and engaging him in a lively discussion about how this situation was in no way comparable to any previous one in which I had given that instruction. See? That is just how inspiring I am.
Oh, and the best bit was this. The reason that I crumpled the side of the car so convincingly, and spread it with the bright yellow paint with which the post was painted (bright yellow... so that people can't miss it...), was because when I heard the bang and the crumply noise, I thought to myself "ooh, don't cardboard boxes make a lovely bang and a lovely crumply noise when you drive over them?". Yup. Pretty darn inspiring, wouldn't you agree?
You deserve to win a prize as your blog is one of the liveliest!
ReplyDeleteI am practicing my driving a lot, as I want a Floridian license. Although I got my license at 18 in the UK, I hardly drove for decades as there was never a great need for a car. Nearly everyone likes to think that they are an excellent driver and everyone else is bad - but in a spirit of self-deprecation, I will openly admit that I am crap.
If it's any consolation, my car is a perfect display of every degree of scratch, bump and dent possible. I'm forever bumping into posts - in fact I actually drove my car into the front wall of my house the other day. I thought my neighbours would never recover.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on making the BIB shortlists. It is well deserved. x
I think it will be interesting to read about your experiences re-patriating. I'm a US expat in the UK and I often wonder what it will be like when we finally move back. I'd imagine that you will have some reverse culture shock which could make for some interesting stories.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I do miss a good drive-thru!! : ) I have always suspected they paint the poles yellow so that when you hit one everyone knows about it. I do believe I've driven around with yellow doors before.
Oh, man. That was a tough day.
ReplyDeleteLike MNN I hope you will write about your experiences moving back home.
Oh dear, Oh dear. Nothing worse than a prang when everyone else is watching.
ReplyDeleteuh oh. and when i was a kid and my mom went to the drive-thru bank the tellers would always toss some candy into the pneumatic tube. so your mission was futile anyway.
ReplyDeleteBad luck on the car but well done on the blogging award list! I can quite imagine the drive-thru - I tend to avoid them (for coffee, banking or anything else) because I am never quite sure how it works. And good on you for marching into the bank and banking your cheque - nothing like a good British stiff upper lip. "We will fight them at the ATMs....".
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the award!
ReplyDeleteSorry about the car, but it's the easiest thing in the world to do....consolation that it wasn't a child (I'm not being smart here either, I know people that happened to).
The one and only drive-through bank they had here closed down, I'm presuming through lack of use. I used it once, didn't like it.
Congratulations. (meant sincerely about the 1st half of yr post, NOT sarcastically about the second half....)
ReplyDeleteYou deserve it - the nominations that is. And I do think you are right about cardboard boxes too!
ReplyDeleteWell done on your nomination! I think a drive-thru anything would terrify me. Like you I would probably turn it into a drive-into. There's something quite nice about that crumply noise isn't there? I once did it when I drove the side of my car into the end of a wall (at about 1mph, nothing serious). I was trying to stop someone edging in front of me when getting out of a car park. Only she still pushed in front of me and I crumpled the side of the car and had to get out and examine the quite extensive damage. I'm not looking forward to having a 14yo pull me up on my behaviour when I lose my temper. It's going to happen though so I should get used to the idea. I think the way you managed your drive-into was inspiring in itself.
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