Birth certificates

I've just been trying (again) to apply for child benefit. (Now there's a blog post, explaining to my American friends why on earth the government gives you money to look after your child.) I've ticked all the boxes. I've downloaded Adobe Something Latest Version, I've found my children's birth certificates, I've wished on the full moon, but I still can't get the online form to appear. It doesn't seem that you can use the website to request a form to be put in the post to you. The two choices are either to fill in the form online, or to use the one in your new parent Bounty pack, which was given to you in hospital. Fifteen years ago, in my case. I've just phoned the Child Benefit helpline, but they're very busy. All their operators are very busy. So busy, that I couldn't even be put in a queue. They told me I had to phone back later. When I've emerged from my medieval peasant yearnings phase.

I feel I deserve a gold star for finding my children's birth certificates, though. Go on. Give me a gold star. I've moved half way across the world. I have only had internet access in my home for 2 days. I have no idea what the PIN number for my debit card is, so I'm living entirely on credit. I can't remember whether to say shedule or skedule.  I have no idea what most of the television I watch is about. The great majority of our paperwork is in stacks, or in boxes. And still I found our children's birth certificates. That must be a gold star. Actually, Husband found them, but I'm taking the credit, because... I can't think of a good reason. I'm just doing it.

Anyway, it's always interesting looking at birth certificates, isn't it? Most parents spend hours and hours choosing a name for their child, but we never think about the name of the registrar who will sign their birth certificate. Our oldest child's was signed by Helen Kettle. Our third's by Sheila Moist. Ms Kettle and Ms Moist! What fabulous names! I think the government could make a penny or two here. Just as people pay to have a personalised number plate on their car, I think there would be potential for charging for the kudos of having someone with an interesting name sign your child's birth certificate. Then the government could use the extra revenue to post out child benefit application forms.

Our second child had his birth certificate signed by A. Lumsden. A disappointingly ordinary name. I can only hope that the suspiciously anonymous A. stood for something interesting. Aardvark, or Anorak.